When You're Older
by ncfan
Summary: ... Maybe you'll understand a little better. Ryuuken talks to his unconscious son.


Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

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"You really are a fool, Uryuu," Ryuuken commented as he took another puff on the cigarette. Ryuuken wasn't exactly what one called a chain smoker, though he would have—albeit reluctantly—admitted that he was a bit of a nicotine fiend. He also knew that he wasn't supposed to be smoking in the hospital, but they weren't technically in the hospital anymore, so Ryuuken was happy to capitalize on the loophole.

Ryuuken stood some ways away from his son, who laid flat on his back, motionless, and was clearly unconscious, the only sign of life being the very shallow, very faint rise and fall of his chest. If it hadn't been for the blood and the bruises all over him, Uryuu might have been asleep.

His silver hair, prematurely so for a man of his age, flew as Ryuuken shook his head in a mixture of weariness and embarrassment, typical of his—limited—interactions with Uryuu. "Why didn't you just use the stronger attack? You would have defeated me easily." It never seemed to truly matter that the one Ryuuken addressed was in no position to answer him.

A sharp, bitter laugh rippled in the stagnant air like a wave of acid upon a beach. "Just goes to show, I suppose, just how much like your mother you truly are. She never wanted to hurt anyone but Hollows, either."

The shadows fell over the smooth white floor, as Ryuuken spat out his cigarette and extinguished it under his foot. "One of the major problems with being a Quincy is maintaining the balance between that life and your normal one. If you think you can handle that at your age, Uryuu, then you're an even bigger fool than I thought; you're a consummate fool. The Shinigami—" an ugly smirk crossed his face "—have it far easier than us. They have only one life, that of hunting Hollows.

"In order to make it through medical school and my first job, as an intern in this hospital, I had to ignore every Hollow attack that I was made aware of; it was the only way to preserve any semblance of stability in my life. Your mother, on the other hand, could never hold down a steady job and was expelled from the community college she attended because she _did_ respond to every Hollow attack she knew about."

Ryuuken frowned, his brow furrowing deeply; the affect was to make him appear even older than he already did. Though he didn't like to admit it, there was a time when he would have been willing to live the way Sayuri had before they were married, if he'd had to. But that had been a very long time ago, in the time when he had had himself and only himself to worry about. There were other things Ryuuken had to think about now.

There was another problem, one Ryuuken preferred not to put into words. There was a problem amongst the Quincy with inbreeding. In the days when there had been many Quincy clans and thousands of Quincy, along with a higher percentage in general of humans with high reiatsu, it hadn't been so much of an issue. But those days were long past.

The Quincy who survived the devastating war with the Shinigami were forced to marry amongst their kinsman again and again, until they had dwindled almost down to nothing, and the Quincy who had come after the war showed a higher instance of genetic mutations and defects due to inbreeding. Sayuri had been the last member of another strain of Quincy; her parents had been first cousins, or so she had claimed, though Ryuuken had always held the unvoiced suspicion that they may have in fact been brother and sister, judging from how much they looked alike.

"We are a dying race, Uryuu," Ryuuken muttered shortly, knowing that if he didn't talk the quiet would swallow him whole. "I started to believe that after your mother was killed, and my views were confirmed when your grandfather died. And why should we not simply allow ourselves to pass away quietly, with some dignity, instead of dying like wretches in the mud, with Hollows standing over us, ready to devour?"

Ryuuken shot a look at his son, wishing, for the only time, that Uryuu was awake to hear him. "Did you think that was the sort of life I wanted for you?" he asked quietly. "The Shinigami are the experts. We should let them handle it."

"Another issue I take with leading the life of a Quincy is the danger involved. No one survives that profession if they commit to it full time."

Ryuuken put his hands in his pockets, breathing deeply. "I don't think you've ever asked me what happened to your mother, though God knows you probably pestered your grandfather about her to no end. You weren't old enough to remember when she died."

Another laugh came, this time rueful. "You were, I don't know, maybe a year old. She had detected a Hollow attack, and was going out to deal with it.

"Well, you know how I feel about our line of work. I asked her why she still bothered to go and deal with Hollows; it didn't help anything, I said. She knew I'd rather help the living; it was why I had chosen to become a doctor. And do you know she said when she looked at me?"

_Sayuri smiled her small, bright smile, pushing open the back door. "But Ryuuken, haven't you realized? I help the living too." She disappeared out the kitchen door._

Ryuuken shook his head, looking down at his feet. "That was the last time I saw her alive." He found himself biting his lip, staring down, shaking his head. A sudden sweep of irritation overtook him. Ryuuken walked over to Uryuu's prone form and nudged his head with the side of his foot. "You never answer me, Uryuu. At least this time you seem to have some sort of excuse."

He shifted his head back and forth, lip twitching. "We've never really talked, have we Uryuu? Even when you were a child, it was your grandfather you went to when you wanted to talk about your day at school. After he died, you didn't have anyone to talk to anymore." The line of Ryuuken's lip became intensely bitter. "I know the feeling, believe me."

Sighing, Ryuuken groaned as he leaned down hunched down beside his son; his joints ached just a little when he did that. "And now this?"

Ryuuken knew the story, knew the times and the excuses. "You're probably feeling pretty damn resentful with me, about making you swear not to associate with the Shinigami. And I can tell that the moment you wake up, you are going to, in some way or another, flout and/or disregard everything you agreed to do. You are nothing if not Sayuri's son. And quite frankly, I honestly don't care. You're a grown man, Uryuu; what you do with your life isn't my business." His eyes narrowed. "If you want to get killed as cannon fodder as every Quincy who has ever associated with Shinigami has, then so be it."

A small, soft groan emitted from Uryuu's mouth, indicating that he was starting to regain consciousness. Ryuuken stood up abruptly, smiling acerbically. "I'm going to leave now. I really don't want to be here when you wake up; that would be just too awkward."

As Ryuuken started to walk away, he stopped, turning round on the ball of his foot. "Oh, and Uryuu?" The man's hard face softened slightly. "When you're older, you'll understand."


End file.
